Light at the end of the tunnel...

Today I can see the light. I woke up at 5am-- fearful of the same cramp and contraction routine of the past three mornings-- but there was none. I went to the bathroom--- walked around the apartment for a minute to be sure I didn't need to stop by the pain killer counter--- and I felt good. I still feel good. I feel alert. I feel awake. I feel like today I will be able to walk away from my blankets and pillow and remote control on the couch.

It is easier to look ahead when I feel good. Jason and I continue to talk about the loss, making sure it's not another thing that we just smile away and sweep under the carpet as if it didn't happen. It's been hard to look ahead though when we've been stuck in the pains of 'now'. But today feels different. Today feels like it's one step to closer to being done.... and one step closer to moving on.

We're going to go out and socialize today. We're meeting a large group of close friends to watch the Super Bowl. Actually, I just sit with the girls and eat and talk and occasionally watch a commercial or two. I'm sure I will need the tissue box to start-- and a million hugs to get through the first 10 minutes. But then it will be okay-- I'm ready to talk about something else-- I'm ready to talk about moving on.

Actually, the third graders were horrible when I was gone. I have a student teacher this semester, Sandy, who is wonderful. She is a mother of four from Mequon who is making a major career switch to teaching. She has caught on very quickly and has come up with some super fun teaching ideas and lessons. I was thinking that the kids would be fine with a guest teacher as long as she was still with them--- wrong! Sandy described last Thursday as a 'Level 4 Hurricane'. They went on a short field trip to the Milwaukee Urban Ecology Center and they WERE SENT HOME EARLY... that's pretty ugly for a place that ONLY deals with urban students.

I'm planning to go back to school tomorrow. Today's visit with friends (we work with many of them) will ease the emotional strain of the first morning back. Then we can do double duty on those third graders to whip them back into shape-- amazing what 8 and 9 year olds are capable of when their teacher is gone!

Hugs and kisses to all--- and the promise that things are looking up around here!