I started a new class last week... School Law... of course I entered with a million questions for the professor. Is the school liable when one of our students throws a rock through a school bus window and injurs someone? Can you fine a 10 year old for repeatedly pulling the fire alarm? What happens when a teacher is hit trying to break up a fight? How bad should the fight be before the cops are called? But, instead of spending the 2nd night of class firing off my questions for the professor, I spent the entire 4 hours thinking about the one he had asked me.
What do you aspire to be?
Throughout life I have set a number of goals and milestones... aspirations. I wanted to find prince charming (a.k.a. Jason), then I wanted to finish my teaching degree... next was working with urban children... live upstairs from a bar or store on a 'hip' street...buy a house...have the most beautiful baby in the world (a.k.a. durdee durdee)... finish my masters degree.... finish a second masters degree (okay, maybe it wasn't in the original plan, but....).... complete a doctorate degree...be a principal..
What do I aspire to be? That is one of the toughest questions I've had to answer in quite some time. What's next? Do I want to be an executive director of a school (or superindendent)? Do I want to be a college professor (not sure if I could handle being around adults all day)? Travel agent? Realator? Starbucks barista?
There's this strange sense of working towards where you wanted to be, and all of a sudden your there and your stuck wondering where you should really be. This must be what a rock star feels like. They spend half of their life hoping to 'make it big' and then when they finally do, they totally loose all sense of direction and control....
No worries about me losing control... I haven't even stayed up past 10pm in the last year and a half!
In my deliberations, one of my fleeting thoughts is to write a book... and I will title it 'Letters from a Principal'... and I will make millions of dollars sharing my plight with other rookie principals around the country.... I will begin with today, a day I won't soon forget.
I turned up the radio as I got into the Malibu this morning. Just in time to hear the end of a newscast I've heard a hundred times before... 'there were 5 shootings around the city last night.... 2 are dead... 3 are injured... one of which is a 13 year old girl... the shootings were at 26th and Hadley...' Immediately I search through the roladex of families (in my mind) that live in that neighborhood, wondering if today will be the day it will strike too close to home.
The call came to Mr.Lowe about 9am this morning, the mother of the 13 year old who had been shot. She's one of ours. A seventh grader. The shot was to her back, spinal cord, they fear she is paralyzed.
To sit, as a leader, amongst 45 adults who have just heard this news... is a moment I will never forget. I had a pile of papers in my hand, ready to lead the professional development for the day, and instead I was instantly speechless. I think I was in shock. Her classroom teacher immediately started crying while the teacher of her older brother filled with rage and frustration. Then there was random chattering about how we could have the kids journal about their feelings.... while others just sat in silence. Most were looking for direction, most were looking at me. I would like to say I came up with the perfect words of comfort, that everything would be okay.... but no one needed to hear that crap.
The word crap is truely an understatement for how I really feel. I work with nearly 60 professionals that have dedicated their passion, energy, expertise, knowledge, and life to helping a community that most others won't even drive through. We spend nearly every moment of the day wondering and worrying about how we can help create a vision to succeed in these students. What is the motivation for a child to succeed if their chances of being shot outweigh their chances of graduating from high school?
